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Purim Fun: Beware of Realtors’ Puffery!

 Happy Purim!

In the spirit of Purim, let’s have some fun defining some terms of art that Israeli realtors might use to put a positive spin on home features that are somewhat less than appealing.

Charming – Do you want to revisit the “chalutz” period of Israel in the early 1900’s, complete with dirt floor and outdoor plumbing? If so, this home is perfect for you.

Conveniently Located – At the intersection of King George and Yaffo, right above a 24-hour schwarma joint. Apartment comes with “his and hers” ear and nose plugs.

Country Living – We hope you enjoy driving because this home is centrally located between Eilat and Cairo.

Cozy – Remember stories of your zaydie living with his mamma and pappa, and nine sisters and brothers in a 2-bedroom tenement apartment in the Lowest East Side? This is the home for them.

Friendly Neighborhood – In fact, several Sephardic grandmothers will be happy to lecture you on how you’re not putting enough layers of clothing on your baby – in Bet Shemesh! – in the summer!

Good Value – This property will never be taxed, as the owner never received a building permit.

Handyman’s Special – Reminds me of a house in the Old City the day after the final shot was fired in the Six Day War.

Intimate – The only home smaller than ‘cozy.’ These homes are perfect if you’d feel comfortable living in a sukkah.

Must See The Inside – Because the exterior hearkens back to the summer you volunteered in a Negev development town.

Needs Some TLC– Nothing like star gazing from your bed – through the roof!

Old World Charm – I don’t want to say the place is old, but the graffiti is in Latin.

Only One Owner – And he hasn’t made any renovations since David Ben Gurion declared Israel’s independence on May 15, 1948.

Plenty of Parking – Teddy Stadium is across the street.

Unique – Think of the built-in falafel bar in the center of the living room as a great conversation piece.

Water Views – If you stand on a ladder in the corner bedroom of the second floor and lean precariously out the window, you might be able to see the Mediterranean Sea on a clear day.  

Water Front – Don’t stick your head out of the living room window when your upstairs neighbor is doing “sponga” unless you’re in dire need of a shower.

MY ISRAEL HOME wishes our readers a Purim Sameach!

2011-03-13 20:17:33



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